Helping ambitious professionals master productivity, build systems that last, and follow through on their goals without burning out.
How to coach yourself
You need to address the root cause of why you're doing something unhelpful, feeling something you don't want to, or getting undesired results if you want lasting change.
If you don't address the root cause, no matter how much you try to do, feel, or achieve something different, your old patterns will return.
This is why awareness is key in coaching.
--Darren Hardy
One of the tools I use in my coaching is called The Model. (This is the core tool taught by The Life Coach School.)
The Model can bring awareness to what's happening in a specific situation.
Today, I'm going to give a high-level overview of The Model.
The Model has five components:
- Circumstances are the facts about a situation. They are the things that are outside of our control.
- Thoughts are the sentences that appear in our brains.
- Feelings are the emotions (or vibrations) we feel in our bodies.
- Actions are the things we do (or don't do).
- Results are the products of our actions.
Now, how do these components come together?
Suppose you have a doctor's appointment at 3pm, but your doctor is running late and doesn't see you until 3:45pm. Now, you'll be late for your next appointment because you didn't think you'd spend so long at the doctor's office. As you were sitting in the waiting room, you couldn't stop thinking about how your doctor should be more responsible. You also start to question whether you should try and find a new doctor.
We have thoughts about our circumstances.
The circumstances here are:
- Your doctor's appointment was scheduled for 3pm.
- Your doctor saw you at 3:45pm.
Your thoughts about these circumstances are that:
- Your doctor is running late.
- You're spending longer than you expected at the doctor's office.
- Your doctor is making you late for your next appointment.
Our thoughts create our feelings.
Maybe you're annoyed because you think your doctor is running late.
Maybe you're feeling anxious because you think you're spending more time than expected at the doctor's.
Maybe you're angry because you think your doctor is making you late for your next appointment.
Our feelings drive our actions.
Suppose you're angry because you think your doctor is making you late for your next appointment.
It makes sense that you'd ruminate about how your doctor should be more responsible when you're angry.
It makes sense that you'd question whether you should find a new doctor when you're angry.
It makes sense that when you're angry, you're not thinking about things like rescheduling your doctor's appointment or calling your next appointment to warn them that you're running behind schedule.
Our actions produce our results.
When you're ruminating about how your doctor is irresponsible and questioning finding a new doctor, you end up in a relationship where you don't trust your doctor.
This produces a vicious cycle because your results reinforce your thoughts.
You can use The Model when working with a coach, but you can also use The Model to coach yourself.
Take a piece of paper, and down the left side of the page, write down the components of the model:
T: ____________
F: ____________
A: ____________
R: ____________
Now you're ready to look at any specific situation you're in.
You can start by filling out any line of The Model and then fill out the rest based on how the different components relate.
If you have any questions about The Model, or want to ensure that you've filled it out correctly for your situation, here are three ways I can support you:
- Respond to this email with your Model (i.e. your CTFAR--your circumstances, thoughts, feelings, actions, and results). I may ask you some clarifying questions or provide feedback on how to improve your self-coaching.
- Schedule a complimentary coaching call with me. We can review your model together, and I can answer your questions about self-coaching.
- Join my group coaching pilot. This small group meets monthly for some teaching, coaching, and Q&A. Calls are recorded and shared with the group if you can't make the live call.
ICYMI
- How I calm my anxiety (Facebook / Instagram / LinkedIn)
- What goals are you pursuing right now? (Facebook / Instagram / LinkedIn / Twitter)
- Why are there fewer introverts in management and leadership positions? (Facebook / Instagram / LinkedIn / Twitter)
- My bad habit of checking work messages after work (Facebook / Instagram / LinkedIn / Twitter)
- How light exposure can increase your energy levels and quality of sleep (Facebook / Instagram / LinkedIn / Twitter)
- More about my group coaching program (Facebook / Instagram / LinkedIn / Twitter)
TSN Coaching
Helping ambitious professionals master productivity, build systems that last, and follow through on their goals without burning out.
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